Fads in sexual esthetics as a cultural Rorschach test: A Dissertation on the Social Implications of the Bare Crotch Phenomenon A pop culture commentary by Cub Lea Last updated 08/11

Preface: I've been a keen observer of sexual mores and attitudes in western culture pretty much since I got my first big-boy hair. But I must confess that I was unprepared for the sheer potency and pervasiveness of the "Brazilian" fad which has swept North America over the last few years. After considerable study and careful observation, I've come to some rather disturbing conclusions about this phenomenon, which I would like to share with visitors to my sex pages. It's my sincerest wish that readers of the piece presented below will take into consideration that in dissecting the phenomenon from the perspective of an observer rather than that of an active participant, the scope of my mandate is, by necessity, limited to generalizations about adult sexuality in the second post-sexual-revolution generation, and cannot adequately account for the individual choices and variations of taste which may underpin a more substantial percentage of cases than can be incorporated into this essay. This rather obvious shortcoming in the following exegesis will undoubtedly undermine reader confidence in the author's assertions, but the overall conclusions presented herein must still be considered as studied and well-founded opinions, if not authoritative conclusions. Your patience and forbearance is greatly appreciated.

Setting aside issues of hygiene, visual esthetics, grooming and fashion, which are all peripheral to the central motivation behind the choice to "go bare down there", it seems pretty clear to even the most casual observer why most of those who experiment with the hairless look decide to do so. It's the closest you can get to actual pedophilia without risking a guest spot on the local TV news. The lesson should be plain to all of us: we just didn't get enough doctor-playing time as kids.

Used to be, all you had to worry about in a car accident was whether the EMT would see your soiled underwear.

I stand by my previous statements. Anyone who's tried shaving their crotch knows it ain't worth the pain...after two days, the novelty has completely worn off and the extra sensation is gone forever. After four days, the itching starts in earnest, and it's sheer torture for at least a week and a half, particularly in hot weather. Bare bush might be a selling point for porn actresses, but it's hardly a feature that any normal man wants to highlight about themselves when looking to hook up...and it's not like offering a sneak preview ever changed a girl's mind. Yet emergency-room attendants continue to report that the bald-crotch craze seems to be far more pervasive than most of us could have guessed.

I'm telling you, it's all about neglected childhood eroticism...not sexuality, but eroticism, and this fad is just one of countless symptoms in our culture of backlash against our overreaction to the notion of pre-adolescent eroticism. It just is. And until we make a clear cultural distinction between the testosterone-soaked passion of post-pubescent sexuality, which is about bonding, social roles and reproduction, and pre-pubescent eroticism, which is solely about pleasure and exploration, we're going to keep getting this wrong, and we're going to keep fucking up our kids and producing the inevitable byproduct of a steady flow of neglected adults who either become acting-out pedophiles or

If you still find this offensive or ignorant, then I suggest that you try this little experiment the next few times you talk to someone who reveals to you that they've tried going "bald in the basement". First, ask them what it was like after the irritation subsided and before the hair started growing back in. Nine times in ten, no matter what they say to you, you will be entirely appropriate to reply with the following observation:

"So it was sort of like recapturing a feeling of childlike innocence in your sexuality, then."

Take careful note of the listener's reaction when you make this observation. Three times out of four, that person will either bashfully agree with you, or they'll try to squirm out of this observation with bullshit, thus confirming your observation. (If they agree without appearing bashful, they're either very comfortable with their sexuality - or with you - and that will be the end of it, or they haven't figured out that you're implying pedophilic motivations on their part, and you'll definitely be hearing from them at a later date.)

Don't take what I'm saying here the wrong way. I'm not implying anything about our sexual maturity or anything else. Because the fact remains that we're only now coming to the end of the second full generation since the sexual revolution. We're still in a period of backlash, in which this sort of culture-wide acting-out is to be expected. Eventually we do come around to a sane perspective...we've done it with slavery, disease, mental illness, nutrition, waste, even with marriage; we'll get our shit together on eroticism and sexuality too.

But don't expect it to happen by the start of bikini season.