Cub Lea's personal home page

Daycare Center of the Damned
My Personal Section
A little of me goes a long way...too far, in fact, from what I hear.


	The View from My Front Window: I was utterly thrilled when I was able - on my second attempt in three months - to secure the rental of a dilapidated single-wide on an acreage 40km from the nearest supermarket. Here's why I felt that way. (08/11)


	True Tales of the Demon Wheel: More than anyone ever wanted to know about my diecast addiction. Parents, learn the signs! It may be the only way to prevent your spouse from taking away your toys. (12/01)


	I May Not Know Art... What may seem like a possibility will quickly be confirmed as a certainty...this is where I hide stuff that nobody but me would call art...at least not without giggling or becoming very embarrassed. (07/05)

UPDATE AUG. 2011: This site has always been something of an art piece...it has gotten more of my attention over the last 15 years than any job or hobby, and it has grown, shrunk, metamorphosed and phased in and out of consensus reality probably about half as often as I have in real life. Much of the material that was once posted in this section now resides on a hard disk awaiting an appropriate time and place to re-emerge. Seven years ago I reached a crisis point in my personal life and soon afterward I decided that I couldn't justify the pressures of allowing public access to the more deeply personal material which has been presented here over the years. That material is still available to those interested enough in my work to pay $50 for a "retrospective" data DVD containing all of my non-contract writing, recording and development work of the last 30 years. But until such time as I begin to sell those DVDs in significantly higher quantities than I've shipped to this point in time, most of the ugliest stuff stays out of sight.

You know that old saw about how every personal strength is matched by a corresponding weakness? Well, just for a moment, consider the possibility that I'm not digging ditches with a pitchfork and that I really have been walking around with the solution to the addiction problem for the last 13 years. Now, how slimy would the skeletons in my closet have to be to represent an appropriate "dark" counterbalance to that kind of insanity? Because a few thousand toy cars don't quite provide the degree of semi-psychotic extremism necessary to match that kind of experience. Of course, if I am wrong about the Sonora model and nobody with an ounce of real sense has had the balls to try prove it to me - and to date, I haven't received even the threat of a serious challenge - then the existence of the Sonora Model web all by itself, the product of a full year's effort, represents an appropriate "shadow" counterbalance to the virtuous intentions of the web, and one of the most hilarious ironies you're likely to find on the web today..

LIMITED TIME OFFER:
YOUR VERY OWN "CUDDLY CUBBY" CLONE!

This is no cheap Malaysian knock-off...it's a genuine cloned-and-neutered copy from my own epithelial DNA shipped directly from Ingenuous Genetics' Maryland labs. It comes exactly as shown, ready to use and abuse with the same high-stress telomeres as the original, guaranteeing a full twenty years's service before greying and wrinkling set in.

Each clone is grown under DirecTV-fed cathode-ray-tube "smart lamps" from a special blend of sunflower seeds, pure liquid nicotine and seizure-grade opium, so it'll be healthy, happy and ready to tolerate the toughest punishment you can dish out when it arrives on your doorstep.

It includes everything you get with the original except for the high-maintenance sex organs, so it's guaranteed to be so non-threatening, undemanding and passive that you'll swear it's the real Cub! And since it has none of the conflicted programming arrays of the parent copy, it'll never beg you for money, attempt suicide, or borrow your car without asking, features you can't even get with the original!

It comes with a limited general-knowledge database, so you'll never feel intimidated or humiliated by asking it a question! Just feed and water it regularly and keep it near its Internet terminal when not in use, and within just a few weeks it'll perform to the same specifications as the original. Imagine the fun you and your friends and family can have exploiting, ignoring and feeling superior to your very own trailer park genius and discount mad scientist!

Gays and ladies, we warrant a fully functional tongue, so it's good for a lot more than just engaging conversation! And guys, this is one genius you can always feel superior to! Watch it trip over its own logic as it tries to convince passers-by that it's worthy of life! And when you're tired of it, just ask it to explain itself and watch it disappear up its own ass...nothing to clean up or bury, and all components are fully biodegradable!

Order now!

Offer void where prohibited; shipping and handling not included. Not warranted to make sense. Do not use posterior near open flame. Wristwatch, blanket and clothing not included; accessories sold separately.

"You don't have a whole lot going for you, do you?
It won't be easy but if you're willing to really work at it,
you might be able to hold a job
and maybe even have friends some day."
- my welfare-appointed psychologist, during initial consultation 05/93 -

Since you were going to ask anyway, no, Cub is not a nickname, but no, it's not my birth name either...it's a chosen name. I mean, can you blame me? How would you like being of German/Scottish descent and growing up in a blue-collar town with a name like "Belpit Eriem Sherer"? (Naturally, I've doctored the shot to conceal my birth name.

BONUS QUESTION FOR 25 POINTS: Who said "Oh, Mr. Belpit, your legs are so swollen!"?
Clue #1: He said it many, many times.
Clue #2: The first time he said it, he was dressed in preacher's robes.
Clue #3: He is a famous adventurer, but he wasn't when he said this.
Clue #4: He was the only Jew in the group that made him a star.
Clue #5: Before Wanda, he was famous for slapping John Cleese with a herring.
Clue #7. He has never played second base for the Chicago Cubs.
Clue #8: He was Michael Palin.
Clue #9: He still is Michael Palin.
Clue #10: His tomb will probably read "Michael Palin"
ANSWER: It was former Laugh-In star, and original voice of Underdog, comedian Wally Cox. (Did you need more than the first three clues, or did you make the common mistake of guessing Jean-Claude Killy after Clue #2?)