Rapid Composers' Consortium (RCC) #13: Jesus Loves Me (But He's Hot for My Ex) Music by j4yc33, lyric and vocal by WintrHeat Last updated 07/10

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An IRC friend named j4yc33 was giving me endless grief about not contributing to RCCs a few years back...he didn't see illness as a valid excuse for not busting your ass for half a day. Eventually I struck a deal with him: if he'd provide some bed tracks I could work with, I'd build something over them. And he did...and I did.

The original bed track for this piece was called "Slacker", and for some reason this twisted little uptown-country parody just flowed out and pretty much into finished form in about an hour. Three hours' later I had recorded vocal tracks, and I sent them off to j4yc33 for mixing. I wasn't crazy about his mastering job, although it certainly wasn't a bad job, but I decided to do my own mixing here and this is the result. It couldn't have been done in stereo, I'm afraid, but the fact that it's a mono track allows me to provide you with a very high-quality three-minute audio track in less than 2mb of filesize...so enjoy. I just wish I could have done justice to j4yc33's musicianship with my vocals...stress was literally ripping me apart from the inside out at the time and this really was the very best I could do at the time.

And it didn't even shut him up.

Jesus Loves Me (But He's Hot for My Ex)

(preacher effect)
"If you are not washed in the blood of the lamb thou shalt know eternal
 damnation and the curse of the hirsute palm shall be upon thee for eternity!
Praise Jesus! Praise Jesus and his new squeeze Cynthia!"

It all started...with a knock at the door
The JW said he's a JD no more
And she could be happier than she was with me
And he did what I couldn't - got her down on her knees
He did what I couldn't - got her speaking in tongues
He did what I couldn't - got her to stay at home
He must be hung like a bull to make her happy like that
I swear Jesus must be hot...for my ex

Oh man, I am a mess.
I hope it's not too late to turn gay.

She got religion...and a calling too
She got the ecstasy and I got the blues
And now...I...spend the nights at home with my hand
While she gets eternity with god's own right hand man

It all ended for me the night under the tent
Preacher said sinners come, I was pissed and I went
I guess holy spirit filled her, the rest you can guess
But it wasn't holy spirit left the stains...on her dress

Jesus loves me and you know he loves you
But he also loves partyin and poontang too
Even God's son was still a regular guy
So you can't tell me wine did not make him high
Cos if you believe that the son of God never had sex
I got some swampland for you with a trailer I built for my ex

Never trust a religious sonofabitch.
Christ man, he's got Mary Magdalene.
Can't he be satisfied with a whore?
Why's he have to come after my girl?
Jesus H. Christ! (...er, no, man, I wasn't talking to you.)

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