"640K ought to be enough for anybody." Bill Gates '81
"Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's hand grenades I throw..."
"I've struck oil!" Tom gushed.
"Luke... Luke... Use the MOUSE, Luke" - Obi Wan Gates
"That makes 144," said Tom grossly.
"Vote for Perot" - Bumper sticker attached with velcro.
(C)1992 Wild Bill's Machine Gun Shop and House of Wax.
/EARTH is 98% full. Please delete anybody you can
186,000/mps. It's not just a good idea. It's the law.
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
9 out of 10 dentists recommend oral sex....
A camel is a horse planned by committee.
A cynic smells flowers and looks for the casket.
A drawing pin is an excited Smartie
A friend in need is a pain in the neck.
A little bit of uh huh and a whole lot of oh yeah.
A mind is a terrible thing to ugg.. I forogt..
A perversion of nature....how exciting!
Alex Haley was adopted!
All in all just another brick in the wall.
All work and no play, will make you a manager.
Alzheimers advantage: New friends every day.
An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
An unemployed court jester is no one's fool.
And it's only ones and zeros.
And there he was, reigning supreme at number two.
Another fine product from Bastards Inc.
Any wire cut to length will be too short.
Blessed are the pessimists, they make backups!
Borderline psychotic with hermit-like tendencys.
Brain over - Insert coin
Bugger me with a fish fork..
Bumper sticker on a hearse: I'd rather be breathing
But soft, what light through yonder tagline breaks?
CCITT: Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today
CRASH: Normal termination.
Can you find the mispelled word in hear?
Castration takes balls.
Celibacy is not hereditary.
Choosy perverts choose GIF.
Clean mind, clean body: take your pick.
Closed Hearing for the Caption Impaired...
Coming soon: Netware for the Nintendo!
Computer: a million morons working at the speed of light.
Condom - external storage
Confucius say too much.
Converse with any plankton lately?
Crime does not pay...as well as politics.
DCE seeks DTE for mutual exchange of data.
DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND - the fault is with reality
DOWN WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!
Database administrators do it with their relations
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
Democrats Call for Amnesty, Reduced Sentences Likely.
Did you expect mere proof to sway my opinion?
Disclaimer: Written by a highly caffeinated mammal.
Do not put statements in the negative form.
Doctor Who for president
Don't Take Life Seriously, It Is Not Permanent.
Don't believe in miracles, expect them.
Don't do what I SAY, do what I mean!
Don't just stand there, scratch my back!
Don't play stupid with me! I'm better at it.
Don't steal - the government hates competition..
Don't use no double negatives.
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing
EMS: Enhanced Money Scam
Egghead: What Mrs. Dumpty gave Humpty
Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery.
Every purchase has its price.
Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.
Excuse me while I sharpen my tongue.
Fact is solidified opinion
Famous last words - Icarus: Aaaahhhhhhhhh.
Fat person: Nutritional Overachiever
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Flirt: A woman who thinks it's every man for herself.
Fools rush in wherever lottery tickets are sold
Forget the computer! Where's my abacus??
Friendly fire - ISN'T !
Funny, only sensible people agree with me.
General Failure reading John Dvorak
Gimme back my face! You're getting it ugly.
God does not play dice.
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
Gravity doesn't exist. The Earth sux.
Gun Control means holding it in both hands.
HAL 9000, you're pretty drunk aren't you Dave?
Happiness is Earth in your rear view mirror.
Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?
Having two bathrooms ruins the capacity to co-operate.
He who hesitates is constipated.
He who lives by the sword eats with bloody hands.
Heads I win... DITTO tails
Help! I'm lost somewhere in the Generation Gap.
Hey!! When in Doubt Whip it Out!!!!
Holy Smokes!...."the church is on fire!"
Hors d'oeuvres--a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
How do you pronounce my name? With reverence.
How much can I get away with and still go to heaven.
I PROMISE - I won't upload in your mouth!
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
I appreciate your not breathing while I smoke
I can do without essentials but I must have my luxuries
I can't hear you. There's a banana republic in my ear.
I distinctly remember forgetting that.
I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.
I got arrested in LA and boy am I beat!
I have given my pain a name..!!
I just bought a cured ham. Wonder what it had?
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
I lost a button hole today.
I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget.
I saw, I came, I cleaned it up.
I think the phrase rhymes with Clucking Bell
I tried switching to gum but couldn't keep it lit.
I used to spell badlie, but now I got worser.
I went on a 30-day diet - and lost 30 days!
I'd like to, but last time I went I never came back..
I'd love to, but I'm trying to be less popular.
I'd love to, but there's a disturbance in the Force.
I'll have what the guy in the casket had.
I'm an influential person, gravitationally speaking.
I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes.
I'm not fat just horizontially disproportionate.
I'm not rude, I'm "attitudinally challenged".
I'm spending a year dead for tax purposes.
I've got a mind like a.. a.. what's that thing called?
IBM: I've Been Misled
If I can't fix it, it's probably dead.
If I were two faced, would I wear this one?
If at first we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
If cows could fly, everyone would carry an umbrella.
If it has tits or tyres, there will be problems.
If it's not going to plan, maybe there never was a plan.
If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
If truth is stranger than fiction, you must be truth!
If you can't be offensive WHY BOTHER?
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
If your behind is in front, you turned around!
In God we trust, all others pay cash.
Include this in your CONFIG.SYS File: BUGS=OFF
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
Invisible Systems, Inc. If you don't see it, we made it.
Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
Is this bullshit or fertilizer?
It is always better to sacrifice your opponent's men
It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
It's an ill wind that gathers no moss.
It's easy to apply yourself, just use crazy glue!
It's never too late to have a happy childhood
It's over when the fat lady sits on your face.
It's worse than that, he's dead Jim.
James Bond rules. 00K.
Jesus saves, Gretsky steals, he shoots, HE SCORES!
Just how much leg have I got
Karma, Let me guess, The Toyota Factory!
Kill them all! .... Let God sort them out.
Know what I hate? I hate rhetorical questions!
Laughter: The shortest distance between two people.
Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it!
Life is a sandwich, and it's always lunchtime
Life is serious, but ART is fun!
Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it.
Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener.
Make it as simple as possible, but no simpler.
Make like a tree and leave.
Marching to a different kettle of fish.
Mary had a little lamb, a little beef, a little ham.
May the Porsche be with you.
Megabyte: A nine course dinner.
Mind if I rape your daughter
Modems.....reach out and BYTE someone!
Most gays have heterosexual parents.
Multitasking: Reading in the bathroom
My I.U.D. picks up Radio Windy.
My couch potato routine honed to perfection
My karma ran over my dogma
My modem can beat up your modem.
NO MORE BU__ SH__
Never argue with a woman when she's tired, or rested.
Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.
Never shove your granny while she's shaving.
New Highway gets Railroaded.
Nitpicking: Not just a hobby, it's a way of life!
No wanna work... wanna bang on keyboard!
Not many people realise just how well known I am.
Nothing is foolproof because fools are so ingenious
Now is not a good time to annoy me
OPERATOR! Trace this call and tell me where I am.
OUT TO LUNCH - If not back at five, OUT TO DINNER!
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
Old MacDonald had a computer with an EIE I/O
One atom bomb can really ruin your day.
One man's meat is another's editor
Only a wimpy God can't get it right the first time!
Oprah spelled backwards is Harpo!
Overload--core meltdown sequence initiated.
PI seconds is a nanocentury. - Tom Duff, Bell Labs
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
Pascal: What's it Wirth?
People say I'm apathetic, but I don't care.
Petroleum and coffee had no value a few centuries ago.
Please don't drink and post.
Political panjandrums prologize pedantic paronomasia.
Power corrupts, but we need electricity.
Press <CTRL>-<ALT>-<DELETE> to continue.
Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
Push any key. Then push the any other key.
REALITY.DAT not found. Press any key to reset Universe.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Real men don't set for stun.
Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
Regal Lager, It's not just a beer... It's a palendrome!
Return((usBirdInHand = 2 * InTheBush()));
Roses are red, and violets are too expensive for you.
Russian Express Card motto: Don't leave home!
SUSHIDO the way of the tuna
Save energy: be apathetic.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
See how you can be?
Set mode=Extremely verbose
Shareware author dies: .GIF at eleven!
Should I or shouldn't I?... Too late, I did!
Silvester Stallone: father of the RISC concept.
Slower Traffic Keep Right - Is that so difficult?
Smoking is a leading cause of statistics.
So many toys, so little time...
Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant!
Something is rotten in the state of confusion.
Space is big. Really big.
Stamp out philately!
Strike any user when ready.
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocius
THE GOLDEN RULE: He who has the gold makes the rules
Talk is cheap because Supply exceeds Demand.
Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
That that is is not that that is not.
The French defense isn't...
The Vatican Express Card. Don't leave Rome without it.
The best way to win an argument is to be right.
The dentist said my wisdom teeth were retarded.
The first myth of management is that it exists.
The hangman let us down.
The mind is like a parachute - it works only when open.
The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers.
The sixth sheikh's sixth sheep's sick.
The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.
Then somebody spoke, and I went into a dream....
There is much Obiwan did not tell you.
There will be no last bus tonight.
Think "HONK" if you're a telepath
This message was typed on recycled phosphorous.
Those who can't write, write manuals.
Tie a yellow ribbon around Jane Fonda's neck..
Tis better to be hunter than hunted.
To boldly go and watch Star Trek re-runs.
To err is human. To moo bovine
Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
Too much month at the end of the money.
Trees hit cars only in self-defense.
Tubby or not tubby, fat is the question!
Two peanuts went to New York. One was assaulted.
UFO's are real: the Air Force doesn't exist.
Until people grow up, they have no idea what's cool
Variables won't; constants aren't.
Volcano -- a mountain with hiccups.
WOMAN.ZIP... Great program but no documentation.
Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser.
Wanted - Man to wash dishes and two waitresses.
Was that your wife I saw in that GIF.
We are the people our parents warned us about
We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God.
Well cover me in egg & flour and bake me for 14 minutes
What could possibly go wrong.
What does this red button do?
What's brown and sticky? A stick!
Whoops, stepped on a frog.
Why did the Albanion working class revolt?
Winston Peters, a rebel without a caucus.
With friends like you, who needs enemas.
Women get minks the same way minks get minks.
Worst-dressed sentient being in the known universe
You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish.
[DISCLAIMER: my fingers are epiletic]
Evil always triumphs over good, because good is STUPID!
Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.
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