A satirical
manifesto on behalf of the socially-challenged, and a challenge to "normies"
to reconsider their testicles. Originally created for The
Nervous Breakdown in early June of 2011, this piece wasn't just
rejected...two days after my second request for an explanation, TNB
removed all requests for freelance submissions from their site! (07/11)
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I couldn't
resist posting this somewhere. A few years back, I was gifted
with a "pirate" textfile that I expected to become legendary:
a how-to handbook for giving the ultimate blowjob apparently written
by a gay hacker and a couple of techgrrls. Does this really qualify
as comedy? Read it and decide for yourself...I think it's hilarious!
(circa. 1995)
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This is
some of the funniest stuff I've done in years, and the closest I've
ever come to the quality of my comedy idols, the Firesign Theatre. Some
truly inspired comedy here, all of it done as part of an idea-to-mp3-in-24-hours
challenge among some old friends. Not
surprisingly, the second-worst of these pieces is also by far the most
popular. (Try Googling What
Is This?
by Cub Lea and the Repressed Personalities...an awful mp3
which actually got campus airplay and has been sampled by at least two
techno artists...and of course you've never heard of either of them
and never will. Yeesh...John Dore never had to put up with this
shit.) (07/05)
(D. G. 11/09: True,
but Jon Dore has talent.)
A dictionary
of corporate and marketing buzzwords unlike any tech-tionary that you'll
find on the web in that I made up most of these words and phrases myself,
and I think it's rather good. It's both flattering and disturbing that
at least 40 of the 150-odd terms which I invented for this project have
actually come into popular use, none as a direct result of the
Lexicon. Includes a link to Jargonizer,
my sophistipated phrase randomizer and band-name generator, pulled from
distribution in 2004 and just now reposted with source as donationware.
(11/02)
A script
for a radio teleplay originally co-written by myself and a friend during
the late summer of 1981, this still stands today, a full 30 years later,
as a pretty reasonable piece of surrealist comedy. It was never completed
to the point where it was publishable, which is probably for the best.
My co-author went on to become a very wealthy investment advisor; I
became something very much else. As you read, keep in mind that this
pre-dates Airplane! by several years, Family Guy by at
least fifteen years, and Robot Chicken by more than twenty. (08/81)
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Remember
IRC? It was texting before texting was cool <winkey>. Back in
IRC's heyday, these pages were the definitive web guides to text-character
rendering of every "prickley" and "titley" you were
ever likely to need. With the texting revolution, these guides have
become more relevant - and more necessary - than ever. Still
one of the rofflemao-est riffs I've ever ritten, and deliberately not
reformatted for mobile devices. (I never earned a penny in
royalties for this work so you can carry a fuckin printout if
it's that important to you...hell, I can't afford a cel plan
let alone a Blackberry...) (07/11)
You've
seen what the software produces. Here's a peek at the hardware...literally,
scans of my factory-issued personal brain from a CAT scan done in 2004.
Seems I owe certain people an apology...I had no idea the colon could
back up this far. (07/05)
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Since 1993, hobby
farmers and psychic investigators on four continents have recommended
this site more than any other for temporary relief of mild to moderate
hesitancy and Internet-induced karma lag. cublea.net is also
the first site recommended by the Single Men's Drug Council as an excellent
source of irony and exorcise. (No, that isn't moonshine...it's a
jartini. I may be trailer-park but I'm not common.) |
A downloadable
compendium of classic early-Internet humor in WinHelp format. It's not
bad, but my recent stuff is a lot better. Some people actually paid
for this piece of crap. (04/96)
The full
story and download link for the legendary lost Arboretum TrueHit DirectX
audio plug-ins, the mysterious audio effects that make your music sound
like your favorite drug feels. (07/05)
You might
be surprised how many first-rate one-liners there are in this collection.
Then again, maybe you can count past twenty. (Originally compiled
02/90)
These are
all original, written back in the 1980s. You've heard most of these
from other people, proving that it's often impossible to tell the difference
between intellectual theft and great minds thinking alike. (04/96)
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...new stuff...
...good stuff...
The Geekspeak Lexicon
The Brain of a Trailer Park Genius
...embarrassing stuff...
The Big Stupid
Arboretum TrueHit
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