The Geekspeak Lexicon: A

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ad creep

(AD·kreep). n. 1. The natural tendency of advertising to grow in once-arid regions when fertilized with judicious amounts of money; e.g. cars, buildings, rest rooms, human skin. 2. The infestation of a formerly ad-free website with advertising, or the growth of advertising on a site, usually traceable to a clinical deficiency of altruism, taste or shame in the owner's moral diet.

adhocracy

(ad·HOK·ruh·see) n. Bureaucratic structure consisting of individuals who were either chosen at random, hired while the employer was intoxicated, selected by friends and family, or required as a condition of an early investor. etym. Derived from the sounds made by phlegm as it is expelled from the throat, cursed by its former owner, and then scrubbed from the window on which it landed.

advertainment

(ad·ver·TAYN·munt). n. Advertising delivered as entertainment or amusement, typically as a means of concealing the nature of the content as advertising (e.g. Hollywood movies, situation comedies, CNN and all Fox channels) or providing charitable employment to skilled creative workers.

aftcast

(AFT·kast) v. To incorrectly project or predict that which has already occurred. syn. back-projection

adminisphere

(ad·MIN·uh·sfeer) n. Celestial region inhabited by bureaucrats and other lesser demons. 2. Thin atmospheric layer between the top of the primary elevator shafts and the penthouse where pollutants accumulate and form a permanent toxic haze. syn. sev·enth cir·cle of help

advertecture

(AD·ver·tek·chur). n. Commercialization of architectural esthetics. Typically involves integration of logotype elements into a structure's core design on the assumption that the resulting increase in brand identifiability will eventually attract a higher caliber of bankruptcy attorney.

advertorial

(ad·ver·TOR·ee·ul). n. 1. Commentary or opinion produced or co-produced by a paid sponsor whose tastelessness equals or exceeds the commentator's debts. 2. Editorial content paid for by a sponsor, as opposed to editorial content produced in hopes of being paid by a sponsor. 3. The most prevalent journalistic cure for poverty.

affective computing

(af·fek·tiv kum·PYOOT·ing). n. 1. The application of mood- or emotion-sensing technology in the production of computer output less rational than the end-user input. 2. Software design technique which produces answers of equal stupidity to input questions.

affluenza

(af·loo·ENZ·uh). n. Infectious disease characterized by increased levels of materialism, debt poisoning, feverish optimism and elevated self-importance. Treatable through reduced consumption of solid goods, plenty of liquidity, and extended head rest. Extreme cases may require credit surgery. Typically spread by word of mouth and worsened by exposure to broadcast radiation.

aggressocracy

(ag·ress·AWK·riss·ee). n. 1. Social sphere or group consisting of or dominated by predatory or conquest-oriented individuals. hist. Aggressocratic hierarchies were once structured by penis length; a widespread typographical error traced to the early 1970s resulted in the eventual restructuring of all such hierarchies by meanness strength. 2. Social structure or society in which the creamed sinks to the bottom.

agrimation

(ag·ruh·MAY·shun). n. 1. The application of robotics and high-tech machinery to the farming industry in the production of fiber, alcohol and other products required to feed robots and high-tech machinery. 2. The industrial conversion of family farmers into raw, unskilled labor.

airhoused

(AYR·howzd) adj. 1. Stored in an ineffable location, such as a firm's Pitcairn Island branch or "in transit". 2. Stored in an unknown location, most likely the proprietor's basement.

all-terrain

(awl·tur·RAYN) adj. 1. Proven adaptable any operating condition within 30 days of the condition's disappearance. 2. Capable of withstanding any field conditions except those for which the product or service was originally designed.

alpha geek

(AL·fuh·geek). n. phr. 1. The dominant individual in a technologically-oriented group; the individual with the greatest technological prowess; gender is typically both unimportant to the role and, just as often, indeterminate. 2. An individual possessing traits of superior mental adaptability but lacking the physical attractiveness to reproduce.

amazoned

(AM·uh·zawnd) adj. 1. Having had one's industry dominated or overtaken by a dot-com upstart or a first-entrant into online sales of one's products or services. 2. Having had one's online innocence ravished by a first-entrant. am·a·zon·ized

anacronym

(an·ACK·ruh·nim) adj. 1. Word formed from the initial letters of a name for something that no longer exists. e.g. EHW (eight-hour workday); anachronistic acronym. 2. Acronym which has passes into common usage as a word after the meaning of its letters is forgotten. e.g. fudge (fear, uncertainty, doubt, and general error).

angel

(AYN·jul). n. 1. Individual identified by a start-up venture as sufficiently gullible, greedy, innocent or trusting to overlook the inherent catastrophic flaws in a business plan. 2. Wealthy individual willing to invest in start-up ventures as a less morally objectionable alternative to purchasing lottery tickets.

annotated reality

(an·o·tay·tid ree·AL·uh·tee). n. phr. 1. Events experienced with the augmentation of electronic gadgets configured to provide emergency distraction at the first sign of human interaction. 2. Real life with online help.

anticipointment

(an·tih·sa·POYNT·munt). n. 1. A hangover-like condition produced by having one's lofty expectations exposed to reality. 3. Conflicted emotional state experienced by high-tech workers upon realization of their new employer's likelihood of imminent bankruptcy. 2. The sensation felt from having one's stock options released the day after fourth-quarter earnings are reported.

anticlueful

(an·tee·KLOO·ful). adj. 1. Lacking the brain mass necessary to form a clue, and unwilling to relieve the internal air pressure which prevents its growth. 2. Obstinately resistant to logic or fact, whether by nature, choice or management edict. 3. Sufficiently armed to defend one's position against incoming facts. 4. Sufficiently lacking in intelligence or awareness to merit a four-syllable adjective.

antilanguage

(AN·tee·lang·gwidj). n. 1. Lexicon, dialect or terminology used as a means of allowing a small group of like individuals to communicate with each other in a fashion which none of the participants understands but sounds extremely cool to listeners. syn. cam·ou·flang·uage, press state·ment, le·gal stat·ute

antiskeptic

(AN·tee·skep·tuk). n. 1. One willing to believe the best about anyone or anything until provided with definitive proof of their gullibility. 2. An individual who clearly needs to be shown that people are not basically honest. syn. ear·ly ad·opt·er

anus envy

(an·uss EN·vee). n. phr. 1. Lustful desire to possess the cruelty, ignorance or dispassion of someone in a position of power, most commonly one's immediate superior. 2. Primary motivational trait which fuels the competitive instinct in managers and recording industry professionals. 3. Among IT workers, a lustful desire to possess a co-worker's resistance to hemorrhoids.

application service provider

(ap·luk·ay·shun SURV·iss pruh·vy·dur). n. phr. 1. Company or individual which sells or rents software on a per-use basis. Software of this type is typically hosted on a remote computer as a means of preventing any possible user configuration which may increase productivity. 2. Software publisher or vendor who charges by-the-crash.

apps-on-tap

(aps·awn·TAP). n. phr. Software delivered on-demand for use over the Internet. The software is rented rather than owned, typically requires the assignment of a "designated manager" to safeguard actual users from the intoxication of its novelty effect and goes flat by the time it arrives on the client's desktop. Consumers typically experience stupor from excessive use and suffer temporary headache and hypersensitivity in its aftermath, an effect often perceived as paradoxical since this form of software is widely believed to be less potent than other forms of software.

arm candy

(ARM kan·dee). n. phr. 1. An individual of attractive appearance and/or personality employed to accompany an individual to a social event, abandon said individual, and leave the event with someone even less attractive than the individual with whom they arrived. 2. Human jewelry.

arrow shooter

(AYR·oh shoo·tur). n. phr. 1. An individual who produces ideas launchable far enough into the future to insure that the consequences strike someone else. 2. A rational visionary capable of predicting their own firing.

astroturf

(ASS·trow·turff) n. 1. An artificial grass-roots movement planted by propaganda machines, fertilized with junk food and petrochemicals, and incapable of being eradicated with any natural pesticide. 2. A non-natural surface or covering, such as a toupée. as·tro·turfed adj. Transformed from something natural, normal and neutral into something artificial, toxic and profitable.

atransitional

(ay·tranz·ISH·un·ul) adj. 1. Fixed, static, stuck; used primarily when the writer or speaker is paid by the syllable. 2. Giving the appearance of remaining static in the face of pressure to give the appearance of changing.

attention economics

(at·ten·shun ek·uh·NAWM·iks). n. phr. 1. An economic patterning model that measures the value of information in terms of the capacity of the target market to absorb it without vomiting.

automagical

(awt·oh·MAJ·ik·ul·ee). adv. 1. Made to occur in a fashion that the initiator wishes to obscure from the end user. 2. So simple that a child could understand it, and thus incomprehensible to adults. 3. Obvious and simple, but made to appear achievable only through alchemy or black arts, e.g. operating system design, revenue-based business models.